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Many of you have read some of the popular best selling books of an erotic nature. Many of the story lines invite you to imagine walking on the wilder side of sex. Perhaps you've found yourself curious to try new activities in your own bedroom with your partner. But what is dark tantra compared to what we know most about tantra? Dark Tantric sex is built on the foundation of breath work, connecting with your lover through deliberate and exploratory touch, and eye to eye soul gazing. Once you begin moving into the "darker" areas like bondage, sensory play, sensation play, fetishes and other sadomasochistic dynamics in a space that's both sacred and safe, energy also flows.
The true definition of Dark Tantra is one that becomes a blended marriage between the world of BDSM and Tantra. This union creates the perfect combination of the forbidden and bliss.
Yin and yang energy is about the exchange between female and masculine energy. Yin is the feminine aspect and yang is the masculine aspect. Total harmony comes from these two energies meeting and interacting with each other. The very core of dominance and submission is the essential blending of yin and yang; of the feminine and the masculine. Dark tantra honors both of these parts of ourselves without shame, fear or a lack of true intimacy.
Any sexual act that involves BDSM between two partners should not be empty of trust, understanding, compassion and of course love. Neither energy is inferior to the other. Respect also plays a key part in dark tantra.
A major aspect of erotic play is when each partner accesses the energy of either the giver or the receiver. For a good majority of people, this energy exchange can sometimes bring about underlying feelings of fear and shame. Tantra combined with BDSM can shed some light on popular misconceptions about this energy exchange, by educating you on the nature of yin and yang energy between partners in a way that's both safe and sexy. Besides revving up your sex life, the true benefit of Dark Tantra lies in it's ability to liberate you from everything from your own inhibitions, and getting rid of negative associations you've picked up from society which limit your enjoyment and total self expression. Allow your full erotic energy to blossom and grow in an act that honors all that you are and can be.
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I guess the majority of us have heard about Tantric sex and massage. Had anyone asked me what it was exactly I would have giggled shyly and muttered something about gentle touching, feathers, massage and no orgasm. How wrong I was.
Tantric massage is basically just a massage. However it was created from the belief that if you are sexually happy and relaxed then your health will benefit. The Hindus describe Tantra as achieving personal growth through pleasurable existence. The massage itself does tend to cause orgasms, but these are described as a bonus rather than the aim.
Although Tantric massage does not involve actual penetrative sex, it does involve full on touching of the organs. For this reason you will not find it offered down your local health centre. You are far more likely to find it on offer in the many massage parlours in London and other major cities.
If you want to have a go with her or him indoors here is a pretty basic guide to Tantric massage.
Firstly, from this point on, your manhood is referred to as Lingam (wand of light - don't be thinking light sabre it's not that big!) and the lady's bits are called Yoni (sacred space or sacred temple). Let's face it those words sound much nicer than the alternatives.
If you are visiting somewhere for your massage you need to decide in advance whether you will be getting naked or not. Proper Tantric masseuse prefer you to be naked, they believe this helps the healing process all over your body. If you are shy you can choose to keep some clothes on, I am guessing you will want to cover your Lingam or your Yoni. If you are at home with the missus or the husband, get your kit off and turn the heating up.
Choose some gentle music (whale music is optional). Now banish all thoughts of kneading your lover all over until she or he begs for mercy. It's not that kind of massage. Make your lover lie on his or her back, legs apart and a cushion under the hips to raise up the Yoni/Lingam area and a cushion under the head so they can look at their genitals. Explain that although there will not be any penetrative sex this evening you will take them to previously unknown heights of sexual satisfaction. It may help to convince them if you do not print off this article and place it next to them on the bed. Choose your lubricant wisely; chocolate body sauce has no place here.
The massage itself involves every part of the body, although I guess the Yoni/Lingam area will receive more than its fair share of attention. The massaging of the body is to help prepare the receiver for the attention you will be paying their genitals.
Pour a small amount of oil on to the mound of the Yoni, just enough so it drips down the outer lips. Massage each outer lip slowly between thumb and forefinger, sliding up and down the entire length of the lip. Only ask your lover if the pressure is too much or not enough. Try to look into their eyes during the massage and ensure she can see what you are doing. Do the same for the inner lips of the Yoni. Take your time and watch your lover relax.
The jewel in the crown is the clitoris. Four times more sensitive that your Lingam so take it easy here. Begin by gently stroking it in a clockwise and anti-clockwise direction and squeeze it gently between your thumb and index finger. The missus will be well and truly fired up by now but try not to allow an orgasm just yet, let the sensations build. If it becomes too much, just back off a bit and encourage her to breathe deeply. Now insert the middle finger of your right hand (I can't remember why it has to be the right one but I shouldn't think it would cause too much trouble if you need to use your left instead.) and gently feel around inside continuing to massage gently.
With your palm facing upwards and your middle finger buried in the Yoni, bend your finger back towards the palm and you should feel a spongy area just under the pubic bone. This is known as the G-spot ("that's where it is!" I hear you yell). Gently massage here, in circles, back and forth, side to side. Your lover may feel the need to pee but hopefully she should feel pleasure building slowly. At this point you may wish to insert the finger between your middle finger and your little finger. Whilst a few of your digits are employed inside, you may as well use your thumb to continue circling the clitoris. Another option is to leave your middle finger inside, continue stimulating the clitoris with your thumb and insert your little finger up her anus. I would suggest you perhaps test the waters first as anal penetration when you are not expecting it would definitely ruin the mood. Whilst all this is going on, your left hand may feel a little underused. Use it instead to continue stroking and massaging other parts of her body (her body parts not yours!). Your lover will more than likely experience a very intense orgasm and afterward will feel completely relaxed. She will generally drift off to sleep and leave you in a state of arousal with no prospect of a Lingam massage for you tonight!
Traditionally the giver, some men may find it difficult to lay back and think of England whilst his lover goes to work on his wand of light. However, I do suggest you give it a go bearing in mind the fantastic massage you gave her Yoni last night.
Get your man to lay back on the bed with a pillow under his head to enable him to see what you are doing. Put a pillow under his hips and spread his legs with his knees bent. His Lingam must be completely exposed. Begin as before by gently massaging all over his body, avoiding this area for a while. This allows him to become completely relaxed and prepared for the touching of the Lingam. Pour a small amount of oil over his shaft and testicles and begin gently massaging his testicles. Next massage the area on the pubic bone above the Lingam. Massage the area between his testicles and his anus (perineum). Moving on to the Lingam, gently grasp the base with your right hand and move up the shaft and then remove your hand, repeat with the left hand. Do this for some time, then change to grasping the Lingam at the top, slide down the shaft and remove your hand, replace with the left and repeat this process. The head of the Lingam is very sensitive and deserves special attention. Massage it in a circular motion. Don't worry if the Lingam goes soft, it will shortly perk up again. Likewise if your partner seems to be on the brink of orgasm, back off and encourage deep breathing.
Keep bringing him close to orgasm and then back off. This is not a method of torture, it helps them to control their ejaculation and therefore achieve longer and more pleasurable orgasms. Whilst continuing to massage his Lingam, you can search for his sacred spot. This is located between his testicles and his anus. It is a small indentation about the size of a pea. If you massage here and gently increase the pressure he may well feel uncomfortable at first. Applying pressure here will help him gain control of his orgasms in future. If he is nearing ejaculation you can apply pressure here and this will increase the intensity of his orgasm.
The end of the massage is signalled by either ejaculation or snoring. If he is snoring you still have some practising to do. If he has ejaculated, you have some clearing up to do.
I am still very much a beginner however I was pleased to discover that Tantric massage is not a mysterious sexual cult and is certainly not difficult to do. Anyone with an hour to spare and a bottle of strawberry flavoured body oil can do it.
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The benefits of the Tantric massage come from the belief that the spiritual and physical should live in harmony and only achieving this harmony will help us live our lives to the fullest. The massage is also based on the conviction that massaging the whole body is the only way to awaken our senses and keep away our frustrations and worries.
One of the great misconceptions about this ancient art is that it boils down to giving sexual pleasure or teaching the receiver how to prolong sexual pleasure - even though both these elements could be included in some of the sessions, they are simply a welcomed part of the whole and by no means its goal. The primary goal is to channel properly the sexual energy, which is extremely powerful, and use it for constructive self-growth and self-realization. In order for any of us to be successful in our everyday lives, at work, or when running our business, we need to be free of unnecessary burdens, sexual frustration, negative thoughts, and poor relationship; all these are only a few of the areas, where the Tantric massage could help.
Before you book a Tantric massage, you should contact the massage center and find out more about the sessions that they offer since they could be quite different from what you expect. Some of these sessions are specifically designed for couples, who want to rekindle their physical and spiritual relationship, learn new and exciting ways to pleasure each other, and become not only better lovers, but better partners as well. Other sessions are ideal for the busy business people, for the stressed moms, and for anyone that seeks a way to relax and recharge. These could include bathing rituals, full body massage, and a number of Tantric rituals, which will help you restore your energy levels and prepare for the busy week ahead. Experienced Tantric therapist can help men and women with sexual problems too, teach men how to prolong pleasure, show women how to enjoy their own bodies, and teach couples how to please each other. The power of this centuries old Eastern philosophy comes from the fact that it celebrates all aspects of our being and helps us achieve peace and balance.